MAR 30

When you're good to me, you're real good, and I think that's very sweet. But sometimes you hurt my feelings and even scare me. You treat your workers poorly, make communities less interesting and encourage car-culture and blind consumerism more than almost any other corporation. But I can't help, despite myself, loving some of the things you do.

Like last year when you forced all of your suppliers to decrease the amount of packaging they use, that really was very sweet of you. And then, just the other day, when you flexed those beautiful muscles of yours again, and required all of your electronics suppliers to fill out score cards ranking their products "energy efficiency, durability, upgradability, and end-of-life solutions"

God I love the way you say upgradability.

But it's more than just your gorgeous global muscles that I love. Sometimes I really believe that you love me too and that, deep in your heart, you want to protect me.

Like when you gave me that promise ring, and said that you'd decrease fossil fuel use by 30% in just three years. And then I heard you had been asking around to see if you could afford a really expensive solar-power project... I can't tell you how that got my heart racing.

But now I wonder if you're just selling CFLs to make a quick buck, and whether you even notice the mercury they all contain. And it's been months since I heard anything about those solar panels you were going to buy me. So what's it going to be, Wal-Mart. I like you, I can't help it, but I can't stand all these mixed messages.

There's no doubt that your power turns me on. But I'm no floozy, and I'm not gonna be just another PR campaign. I'm willing to give you an occasional boys-night-out with your buddy mass-market-efficiency, but I need to know that when you come home at night, it's me that you really care about. And if you're not willing to commit to that, then it's over!

You may think you're big and strong, but just try to continue expanding your profit margins with every one of your Florida stores under water.

Love,
The Environment

Comments (4)

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Environment, good.
written by Benja, April 04, 2007

I always thought The Environment would be an eloquent linguist and philosopher. It is good to know that she is "No Floozy", but I think she should express her "balls". Rather than buying all the "mixed messages" and accepting crappy "promise rings" she should make Wally sleep in the doghouse and do better at remembering to take out the garbage, ahem, compost/recycling, lest he receive tha boot. I am available for such a sexy momma. I am an ass man and she got it goin on. So, baby, don't be afraid to be bitchy, speak your mind, and be an all around damn attractive cougar. Much love.

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written by monotonehell, April 04, 2007

This isn't up to the normal Ecogeek positive side of life measure. It's bordering on editorialism, anonymous at that.

Norty ;)

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Very Nice
written by Trent Bigelow, April 06, 2007

Very cute and creative -- but very effective post!

"The Environment" speaking here is definitely a wise and compassionate friend I want to have around.

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written by Jen, June 18, 2007

I concur with Benja on this one.

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